The Walt Kowalski Temptation

"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." (1 Peter 3:4 NIV)

I want to call out a certain tempting strain of masculinity that I see appealing to modern men. The thought came to me as I considered Gran Torino (2008) starring Clint Eastwood. Spoiler alert here, if you haven’t seen the film I’d recommend watching it. The protagonist, Walt Kowalski is an anti-hero. He has some nobility and a degree of personal discipline and character, but he also frequently makes racist remarks, threatens people, and speaks harshly to his family.  We ought to distill the good qualities from Walt Kowalski’s character without falling victim to the abrasiveness of his personality. 

Walt is a Korean War veteran, a tough son of a gun who worked his years at the Ford plant, raised his family, and made his own way. This sort of anti-hero personality is very popular in today’s disenchanted world. Walt was undoubtedly hardened by the trials in his life. Hardening one’s heart is an easy defense against occasions where human sin makes love absent: selfishness, physical or emotional violence, or betrayal of trust for example. Harshness is mistakenly associated with masculinity because of its association with strength, a quality which men are generally expected to possess. That expectation is not unreasonable; that strength consists in displays of force, or in a lack of spirituality is indeed unreasonable. This harshness is the Walt Kowalski temptation. 

Our society has created a pressing need to show one’s masculinity. This is not the sort of peacocking show of masculinity like the Illiad heroes on the battlefield or guys competing at the gym, rather it is a reactive show of masculinity necessitated by some fashionable movements like gender ideology, homosexual unions, and the forced coalescing of masculinity and femininity. Ironically the gender ideology of today, rather than giving people freedom to express their masculinity or femininity in a variety of ways, has forced people not fitting completely into a feminine or masculine archetype into “other” categories. I think this phenomenon also makes guys trying to live a very mundane manhood turn to strong-man or lone-wolf character types lest they be considered “fruity” or impotent. It is harder to be a man today precisely because “be a man” means far fewer things than it did a century ago. Walt Kowalski is one of those tempting anti-heroes: the good old boy who’s irreverent and tough as nails but stout and loyal. 

Walt’s character is juxtaposed with the young, somewhat naïve, Father Janovich. Fr Janovich pursues Walt throughout the film asking him to come to confession according to a request from Walt’s late wife. In their conversations, Father Janovich slowly gains Walt’s respect after tenaciously pursuing the relationship. It is evident that their life experiences drastically differ. Over the course of the film their conversations expose their different approaches to masculinity. The film uses the characters as a foil, one that I think modern guys need to pay particular attention to, because Fr Janovich is the sort of man who could today be considered effeminate or soft for his spiritual intuition and innocence. 

Although Walt is redeemed in the end with the help of Fr Janovich, his redemption comes very late in life. We should not ignore the costs he incurred to hold on to his bitterness; his hardness clearly alienated his sons, scandalized his neighbors, and made Fr Janovich’s efforts to help him much more difficult. It is tempting to look at Walt and see how strong and fearless he is, and to also think that his strength and fearlessness required harshness and emotional deadness. Falling to the temptation would have us ignore all the shortcomings of Walt’s character which harmed his relationships. Though we should indeed have the strength and fortitude of Walt, we should turn away from his anger and emotional distance in favor of meekness and humility. 

Walt lacked the virtue of meekness. Meekness is strength restrained, softened by fraternal love. Walt had strength, but it was not channeled in a charitable regard for others. He let his life experiences get the best of him, and treated others according to what he suffered at the hands of his circumstances. For ourselves, we cannot allow hardness or a flawed notion of masculine strength to alienate those closest to us. We only need look to the Gospels to see the meekness of Christ on display, who in every way is an example to follow. Tomorrow is Good Friday, and as I contemplated this topic in church, I thought of Christ consoling the women of Jerusalem. While being humbled by every worldly perception, Jesus showed meekness restraining his power over every one of his abusers in service of a greater good. Further, despite his suffering he showed these women care and tenderness. That called for great strength. 

Throughout the film Walt and Fr Janovich share frank conversations which call both to change. Walt gains from Fr Janovich a lesson in opening himself to others, loving those around him, and acquiring the humility to ask forgiveness. Fr Janovich takes from Walt some of the hard life lessons of war, labor, and solitary old age. In the end both men come out more complete by taking the admirable qualities in one another and allowing those qualities to inform their actions. They accomplish this through vulnerable conversations, an essential component of friendship which we should not shy away from. Oftentimes a hard thing to hear from a friend who knows us is something we long needed to hear. Men, be open to your friends, let them help you, lean on them, and be sure to feel and breathe as deeply as anyone you know. Care for those around you despite what you may be enduring. Let’s support each other in avoiding the Walt Kowalski temptation.